


All or Nothing- Is This Love?

by MrsClexa



Category: The 100 (TV), clexa - Fandom
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-27
Updated: 2016-05-27
Packaged: 2018-07-10 14:10:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6988162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MrsClexa/pseuds/MrsClexa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clexa college AU. </p><p>Lexa and Clarke find each other Senior year of college, and quickly become good friends. At least that's what they try to tell themselves- they're "friends" </p><p>Or </p><p>The one where Clarke and Lexa are so mesmerized by each other, and everyone can see it except for them. </p><p>Or </p><p>They are two idiots in love who don't realize they are in love. The usual.</p>
            </blockquote>





	All or Nothing- Is This Love?

**Author's Note:**

> So I had an idea for a Clexa college AU because I'm a sucker for those, this is actually a middle chapter, just wanted to see if you guys actually like it.  
> Comments and criticism would be appreciated :)

 

It was an ALMOST kiss. Almost. The almost kiss that had both girls feeling more than anything they've ever felt before. Hearts beating so fast they are threatening to jump out of their chests. Thousands of butterflies erupting in their stomachs as they get closer to each other. The room was almost completely dark, the only light present is of the few candles that Lexa lit before the party, and the projector showcasing the starts and planets on her ceiling.

The loud noises from the party that is happening outside the door are muffled, the two girls can only hear each other’s breathing.

They can't really remember how they ended up in Lexa’s room. Sometimes between the fireball shots (which Lexa hated more than anything, but only did it because Clarke had talked it into it), the beer pong bet (in which Lexa won) and the deadly moonshine, they found themselves sitting on Lexa’s bed, looking at the solar system projected on her ceiling, feeling nervous and weird.  
It's been a few minutes since either girl had said something, but it was a comfortable silence. After having spent so much time with each other, as friends, of course, the two were comfortable enough to sit together without saying anything.

Clarke thinks back to the time when they had just started to get to know each other, and thinks about how annoyed she used to get at Lexa’s “underwater silence”. She quickly learned that often Lexa doesn't say much, it's just who she is. And with time, Clarke learned that Lexa doesn't need to say much, her facial expressions and body language usually convey everything she doesn't say.

Just like now. She feels Lexa’s eyes on her. She knows she's been staring for a while. The room is slightly spinning around them, the effect of the alcohol has yet to worn off.

“This is gorgeous” Clarke says, finally breaking the silence. She's still looking up the ceiling.

Lexa keeps her eyes on Clarke’s face, slightly leaning back on her hands to be more comfortable. “Yes. Yes it is” she says with a hint of a smile, aiming her words at Clarke.

Clarke is oblivious to Lexa’s statement and the meaning behind it, too deep in thought after registering how close they are sitting to each other. She's drunk, and something feels weird with Lexa, but she can't point out what it is. It isn't necessary bad, it's just unusual. Tonight Lexa has been a lot more…handsy than she usually is with Clarke. In fact, Clarke is certain that she's never met a person that keeps away from physical contact more than Lexa does, which is why it seemed odd to her. There was a lot of touching, touching that is definitely not how friends touch each other. The light brushing of hands against each other, the possessive hand on Clarke’s back when Emily came over and started to flirt with her, the nudges and the teasing and the tickling, and Lexa bringing her finger up to the side of Clarke’s mouth to wipe the moonshine that missed her mouth a bit...Clarke was feeling overwhelmed.  
But she wasn't overwhelmed with Lexa, rather the feeling inside her that erupted whenever Lexa touched her. She wanted Lexa to touch her. And she wanted to touch Lexa, mainly because she never gets to share that kind of physical connection with her. And Clarke swears she never felt that feeling from just a touch. It's just the alcohol, she tries to reason with herself. They're just friends, and she can't think about Lexa that way because they're just friends, and she's sure the feeling isn't mutual.

Lexa noticed that Clarke is spacing out a bit, and wanted to bring her back to earth.  
“Hey” she says in almost a whisper. That seemed to be enough to bring Clarke out of her thoughts and look at Lexa. “Which planet did your mind disappear to, Sky Princess?”  
Which earns her a little smile from Clarke. She loves seeing Clarke smile.  
“Went to Pluto I think. Didn't want to wonder off too far, ya know” Clarke jokes back.

“Clarke, we went over this a thousand times. Pluto is NOT a planet” Lexa says, emphasizing the “not” with both her tone and eyes. And they in fact, had this argument MANY time. It's a never ending arguing between them, because both of them make good points.

“And for the one thousandth time Lexa, Pluto is a planet! Stop disrespecting my favorite planet!” Clarke says, faking annoyance.

“Oh now it's your favorite planet?”

“It's always been my favorite Ms. I love all the planets and I know everything about them” Clarke says, mocking Lexa’s voice.  
“If that was your attempt to sound like me, it was awful” Lexa says to her, amused. To which she earns a glare from Clarke.

“But really, what were you thinking about?” Lexa went back to her original question, because she really wanted to know what Clarke was thinking about. More like, she wanted to know if Clarke was thinking about the same thing she was thinking about.

“ I dunno just…stuff” Clarke said looking at Lexa, with a look in her eyes Lexa didn't quite recognize. “Stuff…what kinda…stuff?” Lexa said, mocking Clarke now.

Clarke felt as if she's been caught. As if Lexa could read her mind and she already knew what she was thinking about. The touches…the way she feels when Lexa touches her…she wanted to touch Lexa too. So she did. She looked back at the ceiling as she was blindly reaching for Lexa’s hand, lacing their fingers together. “Just…stuff” she said with a sigh, squeezing Lexa’s hand.

Clarke’s gesture took Lexa by surprise. Her mind seems to go blank every time Clarke touches her. Tonight felt different with Clarke…and she's trying to convince herself that what she's been feeling towards Clarke for the past few weeks is being reciprocated…but she doesn't want to get her hopes up. She knows better than that. She looks down at their joint hands and squeezes Clarke’s hand back, and Clarke knows it's Lexa letting her know she doesn't need to talk about it anymore.

Everything still seems to be spinning around them, that damn moonshine is so strong it won't wear off for hours. Clarke decides to lay on her back to get a better look at the galaxies at the ceiling, and Lexa follows suit, stealing glances at Clarke every once in a while.

Clarke brings the hand that isn't laces with Lexa’s up to the ceiling, pointing at one particular constellation. “Orion…right?” She asks and then looks at Lexa for confirmation.

And then Lexa smiles that smile. Full smile. Proud smile. Clarke absolutely loves that smile, and she wishes she could see it more often. “So you do listen when I talk” she said trying not to give away her “badass” attitude. The fact that Clarke listens to her when she speaks about the stars and planets and galaxies, and retains the information, makes her feel warm inside.

“Eh sometimes. You ramble on about all of this so much, something outta stick” she said with smirk on her face, which earns her a light jab to her side from Lexa and a “you love it and you know it”

Clarke rolls her eyes in defeat, because she does love it. She mostly loves how excited and happy Lexa gets when she talks about it, though. “How did you even manage to make this thing?” She asks. “Raven helped me. We were both bored one night after Anya fell asleep, so they weren't engaging in their usual…activities” which made Clarke make a grossed out face “so after a whole lot of wine and some ideas, we started working on it. It uses google earth, and projects what's above us in the sky to the ceiling, so the view constantly changes” she said sounding proud. Which she should be because it is pretty amazing. “That was the first time I actually hung out one on one with Raven…turns out she's not so bad after all” Lexa admitted shyly.  
Knowing Lexa liked Raven, her best friend, even if she didn't flat out say it, meant a lot to her, and she couldn't help but smile at the admission. “See, I told you you'd get along well” she said grinning “and I'm not gonna lie, this is pretty badass…whatever it is that you guys did that I will never understand. I guess that's what happens when you combine two hot geniuses” Clarke threw a wink at Lexa. And Lexa feels her cheeks getting red and thanks god the room is dark and Clarke can't see it. “It really wasn't that complicated” she brushes is off like it was nothing.

“Stoppp being so modest, you know you're low key a genius. And Raven is a genius too, but she's not lowkey about it…at all” Clarke chuckles, because Raven Reyes is the the total opposite of modest.

“I'm not a genius, Clarke” Lexa says rolling her eyes. “But I guess it is pretty beautiful, isn't it?”

Clarke looks away from Lexa and up to the ceiling again. She stays quiet for a few seconds and then says “the view to my right is more beautiful”. And Lexa blushes like she's never blushed before. She's completely flustered and doesn't how to respond, because she definitely wasn't expecting that to come out of Clarke’s mouth.

If she wasn't sure if Clarke was flirting with her or not throughout this whole night…this just definitely confirm it. Too flustered to form words, or even think, she just squeezed Clarke’s hand.

They both looked back at each other, still laying down, smiling softly and shyly at each other. This look wasn't like any other look they've ever shared. This look was…deep. Clarke staring into Lexa’s mesmerizing green eyes, and Lexa staring into Clarke’s ocean blue, both of them getting lost in each other’s eyes and their own thoughts. It's like for the first time they were really looking at each other differently. And they both know something had shifted that night between them, they feel it, they see it in each other’s eyes. But none of them voices is. They are too scared to admit it and come forward, and face whatever it is that was happening between them, both scared of doing something to scare the other away and ruin the amazing friendship they formed.

But this wasn't a normal “friendship”. Because friends don't hold hands like this. And friends don't blush when other friends compliment them. And friends don't feel their skin burn when they touch each other. And friends don't flirt and look into each other’s eyes like they are now. But both aren't willing to face it. After a few long minutes of just staring into each other’s eyes, Clarke brings her other hand up to trace Lexa’s profile. And Lexa closes her eyes and breathes deeply, as Clarke traces her finger all the way from her forehead, to the top of her nose, down to her chin, around her cheeks, and down to her neck. Clarke knows this is a little too “friendly” and she's going places she's never explored before with Lexa. But the liquid courage in her doesn't let her stop her movements, and she trails her fingers down Lexa’s strong bare arms, and then rests her hand on Lexa’s stomach, while still drawing small patterns on her. Lexa intakes a sharp breathe, Clarke’s action making her heart pound in her chest. Her skin burns. And she doesn't want Clarke to ever stop.

Clarke twist her body to the side, facing more toward Lexa. She can smell her perfume so strongly now. It quickly because her favorite smell, and she can always know whenever Lexa is around. And now Clarke is completely engulfed in that Lexa smell, and all she wants is to know what her lips taste like. Lexa is still not looking at her, but now that she's got that need to not only see and smell Lexa, but taste her as well,and she can't think about anything else.

“Lexa…” Clarke barely whispers

“Yes, Clarke?” Lexa barely croaks out.

She then turns a bit too to find Clarke staring at her, and reaches for the hand that’s situated on her stomach and entwines their fingers.

She feels Clarke leaning in, and she leans in as well…theres barely any space between their faces, and Clarke can almost feel Lexa’s lips on her own. Her mind goes blank and she's suddenly so surrounded by everything Lexa and she's never wanted to kiss and taste anyone more than she's wanted to kiss Lexa at that moment. Clarke decided to just go for it, whatever happens happens, she's about to close the small gap between them and….

**loud vibrate**

Both girl spring back from each other, hearts going 1000 mph, both because of what almost happened and the vibrations that scared the shit out of them.

“Shit” Clarke says, running her hands all over the sheets around her to find the offending device that won't stop vibrating loudly.

Lexa, still in a haze from the almost kiss, barely registers what happened, and she comes back to her senses after a few seconds, helping Clarke look for her phone.

“Here” Lexa says handing the phone to Clarke, after she found it at the edge of her bed, probably falling from Clarke’s pocket at some point.

“Thanks” Clarke says shyly, avoiding eye contact. “It's Raven, I bet they're all looking for us” she finally looks at Lexa, guilty look in her eyes as her phone vibrates with another call from Raven.

“Yes, I bet” Lexa says dryly.

They're now both sitting in silence at the edge of the bed just like they were a few minutes ago, and now the silence is definitely uncomfortable. They both want to talk about it and say something, but they don't what to say.

Lexa doesn't do uncomfortable very well, and quiet frankly she doesn't trust herself to be drunk and alone with Clarke right now, so she decides it's best for them to get back to the party.  
“We should probably…” She says as she gestures with her head to the door.

Clarke nods in agreement but still doesn't move. Everything is still spinning and she still wants Lexa. Because now that Lexa’s lips almost touched hers, that's the only thing she can think about. She's brought out of her thoughts when she feels the weight that was next to her on the bed is no longer there. “Wait wait” she spits out quickly and grabs Lexa’s hand, before she can regret what she says. She already knows she's going to regret all of this tomorrow, but right now she doesn't care.

Lexa looks back at Clarke and sees her closing her eyes and taking a deep breath. She thought the alcohol finally got to Clarke and she wasn't feeling well, concern taking over her. “Clarke, are you okay? Are you not feeling well again?” She brought her hand up to her forehead and then cheek to check for fever. “I told you you need to take it ea-“ Clarke cut her off as she brought her hand to rest it on top of the hand that's covering her cheek. “No I'm…I’m fine it's not that”. She finally looks in Lexa’s eyes again looking for any hint from Lexa to tell her she wants to feel the same way she does. That it's not just her. But the only look she sees in Lexa’s eyes is concern for her, which makes her heart melt even more.

“Clarke. What's wrong?” Lexa says softly

“Nothing’s wrong” she says chucking a bit, realizing how right it all feels. How right Lexa feels. “I just…I don't know. I feel...when I'm with you I just fee-“ and she was cut off again, by Raven and Anya stumbling through the door together. “Theeeere you are!!!” Raven says feeling accomplished, finally having found both girls. Both girls stood up quickly, as if they were caught doing something. “There we are” Clarke said with annoyance, trying to smile at the drunk girls.  
Raven stepped into the room, noticing the projection of the night sky on the ceiling.

“Pretty badass isn't it?” She said smirking “took us all night to get this to work” she says as she examines her own work. “Are you guys going to join the party or what? This alcohol isn't going to drink itself” Anya says, already feeling bored of the quiet environment. She grabs Lexa’s hand and starts dragging her outside her room, as Raven does the same for Clarke. They don't even get a change to argue or fight back before being pushed out of the room, and Lexa looking back to find an annoyed Clarke being dragged by Raven. She catches Clarke’s eyes and smiles that half smile, Clarke giving her the same smile back. For a second Lexa forgot to feel overwhelmed, she forgot that a few moments ago her heart was pounding so fast she could barely hear herself think, because is it possible that Clarke almost admitted to what Lexa has been feeling for weeks? She pushes these thoughts away, remembering how drunk Clarke is, thinking to she probably doesn't mean any of this and she won't even remember their interaction tomorrow morning. But she can't stop thinking about how Clarke almost kissed her. Almost.

The smell of alcohol and beer immediately took over their senses, reminding them of the party that was happening. They stepped into the living room, Anya and Raven leading them both and pushing through people, as Clarke spots a bottle of fireball. She can't believe she almost kissed Lexa. She can't believe how much she wants to kiss Lexa. She needs a drink. Now. 


End file.
